Savoir
by DreamingLillies
Summary: Please. That almost broke him. He almost turned to her. He almost let her convince him. But he was right. He was bad, and she was good. He was the dark, she was the light. "I can't." Sonfic on 'Savior' by Rise Against


**This story is based on the song 'Savoir' by Rise Against. Check it out, it is AMAZING. **

He looked down at the bottle that called to him. What had happened to his life? He tried to remember happiness. He tried to remember her.

"_It kills me not to know this, but I've all but just forgotten, what the color of her eyes were,"_

He could remember the way her eyes would squint when she attempted to figure something out. He could see the sparkle whenever she finally did solve it. And she always did.

He could remember the way she looked at him. The way her eyes made me feel alive. Her eyes made him feel like he mattered. For the first time, he didn't have to boast himself up. A look from her, was like a million complements.

He could remember the first day of Hogwarts. How scared he was when he walked onto the train. He could recall the ache in his ribs from the beating he got the night before. He tried to load his things onto the train when some bushy girl was in his way.

"_and her scars or how she got them."_

He remembered the first night they gave into their coveting. That night they finally touched each other. He could see the scars from the battles she'd helped in. He could hear her voice as she told him the stories of how they came about while he held her. But the her words in his head were blurred from the alcohol in his mind now.

"_As the telling signs of age rain down, a single tear is dropping. Through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten."_

He couldn't cry. Not for her. Not anymore. It had been years. 16 years to be exact. No one cared anymore; about house cups, or blood lines, or who did what when. He had moved on, he told himself and his near to empty fire whiskey bottle.

He missed her. He missed holding her. He missed hearing her voice. He missed when she would challenge him with her intelligence.

But he deserved a life without her.

After what he'd done.

So he drank another shot.

"_There is no reconciliation that can put me in my place, and there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds. But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you,"_

"For the last god damn time Draco, just let it go."

"I will not just let it go. I gave up everything for you. So I could what? Be a Ronald Weasley? I'm not someone for you to order around and do your biding!"

"Don't you dare insult—"

"Oh, yes. I mustn't ever mention that name in this household. I mustn't dare insult the man you wish I was! What do you want from me!?"

"I just want you to love me! And only me! I want you to stop looking at a waitresses' rear when she gets our food. I want you to attempt to make me happy. I want you to start acting like the man you were when you stood tall against Voldemort and gave us information. I want the man who convinced me to love him, even though he was Draco Malfoy and I was Hermione Granger!"

"Too bad."

"Why not! Why cant I have _him _back? Why cant you love me again?"

"_Like walls that we just cant break through, until we disappear." _

"Because I'm not that man! I never _was_ that man! I never will _be_ that man!"

"That's not true, Draco." She ran toward him, her hands clutching his shirt in desperation. He knew what he was doing was wrong and she knew exactly what it was he was doing. He was shielding himself from pain. He was putting on his mask of lies and indifference.

"_So tell me now, if this ain't love, than how do we get out?"_

"You love me. You love me and it kills you. Don't you dare do this to me, Draco."

"There is nothing to do. I never loved you, Granger."

"_Cuz I don't know"_

He loved her, of course. He will always love her.

Her and this nice firewhiskey bottle. They have a lot in common. Both burned him, both consumed him, both make his mind hazy. Both can destroy him.

Hell, he thought, they already had.

"_That's when she says I don't hate you boy, I just want to save you while there's still something left to save,"_

"Fine, Malfoy. Fine. If you want to do this to yourself, I wont stop you. If you to completely ruin your life, walk out that door." She was turning hysterical now, screaming at him in a such a high pitch that bats could surely hear her. Tears ran down her face as she rounded on him, holding her ground in front of him. "I refuse to hate you. I refuse to let you tear me apart me. I know that you are good deep, deep inside you. I know you bury it, and try to stuff it away. But I know its there. I can see it. That's why your leaving. You're scared because I know all your secrets."

He choked back a sob, lifting his hand to her check. He tucked a lock of her golden hair behind her ear, and whipped her tears away. He dared to look into her deep warm brown eyes that swam with tears and he knew he had to leave. He was not enough for her. She deserves someone like Weasle. She deserved a man to love her right.

"_That's when I told her I love you girl, But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have."_

"I love you, Hermione." He pulled her face towards his and kissed her forehead gently.

"W-why? Why Draco?" Her voice broke and her eyes squinted in confusion.

"You have so much to give for this world. I would just be in you're way."

"Don't go." Her eyes swarm with tears. He passed her and walked to the door. She didn't breathe until he opened it, then he heard her let out a whisper of "please."

That almost broke him. He almost turned to her. He almost let her convince him. But he was right. He was bad, and she was good. He was the dark, she was the light.

"I can't."

And he walked out of her life, with the sounds of her sobs ringing in his ear as a reminder of her pain.

"_But the day passed on like crushing weights, for no man does it ever wait, like memories of dying days, that deafen us like hurricanes." _

He doesn't know why he still think about that day. She moved on. She has kids now. She married Weasle. She has a life. She doesn't think of him.

Does she ever think of me? He thought.

He takes another shot.

Why do I hope she thinks of me?

He pours another shot glass.

And another.

And another.

"_Bathed in flames we held the brand, uncurled the fingers in your hand, pressed into the flesh like sand, now do you understand?"_

He knows he will never forget her. He chokes back a bitter laugh, he doesn't know anyone who ever could forget Hermione Granger. He'll always think of her. He misses her. He wants her. But every thought he have of her kills him, it burns him. It burns him like his fire whiskey. Except Hermione can burn every inch of his body and his mind. Without leaving a scratch.

He loves her.

"_1000 miles away, there's nothing left to say."_

He moved away, he moved far, far, far away from Hermione. From her red headed children. From her idiot husband.

But he went and found her before he moved away, he saw her at the ministry. She was with a patient. She works there helping different magical creatures, trying to improve their way of life, and the laws and prejudice against them. She still bites her lip and smiles the same smile. She was fine. She was Hermione. She didn't need him. When she felt eyes on her, she looked up and saw him. She wasn't shocked, but rather happy. Her eyes softened, her mouth opened slightly. Her lips slowly formed a smile.

He tried to smile back, he doesn't know if he succeeded or not, but he tried.

She nodded at him, and he nodded back.

That was all they needed.

He walked away.

He always walk away.

"_But theres so much left that I don't know, we never had a choice."_

Will he ever not love her?

Will he ever move on?

He's tried to move away, he's gotten other women.

No one compares.

No where feels like home.

Its pathetic.

His bottle is empty.

"_This world is too much noise."_

He was so stupid, he didn't know why he went with his son to the train station. Actually, he knew exactly why he went to the train station. He just wasn't sure why he had to see her. Going with his son to say goodbye was the best day of the year.

How sick, he thought to himself.

"_It takes me under, it takes me under once again."_

Ever year he sees her again he thinks he is going to die. He almost can't take it. But then every year he hunts out her bushy curls to look into her eyes again. His son tells him stories of her children and they make Draco laugh as the stories of them remind him of Hermione.

He sees her talking to her friends and husband, she looks tearful as she watches her children board the train. Weasley catches Draco's eye and nods for Potter to look over. Suddenly they are all staring at him, but he only sees Hermione's eyes. Her beautiful eyes that used to look at him with such love. He nods at her, and like before at her office and the years before, it was enough for them.

So much was said in that nod. And she would never know that small smile she gave to him got him through the next year.

_"I don't hate you, I dont hate you, no."_

But he turns away from them all and says goodbye to his son and tries to act like he doesn't imagine Hermione's eyes reflect back to him instead of his wife's. He feels bad for his wife, but there is nothing he can do for her.

He know it would be another long year. And when the memories would get to be too much, there was always firewhiskey.

**Thank you so much for reading!**

**Love,**

**Jenna**


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